The dam, with the King Maker and scooting round the office

Captain Haphazard has gone to the ‘Dam. That free and easy port city favoured by young folk about to get married. Most people pretend they went to see the tulips, the Van Gogh museum and to soak up the free wheeling cycling scene rather than fess up to what they really did. However, Captain H doesn’t have to bother hiding his sins, as he has none. Here are some pictures of his current ‘lost weekend’ in the Dam with some people who don’t need to work anymore by virtue of their age. They may go mental at any moment and go and look at some Succulents.


Be careful when you wonder around Edinburgh at night. You could be grabbed by a slightly shifty looking man and made to pose with them whilst they repeatedly mutter ‘I am the King maker’. This is what happened to Kim when she went doon to Waterstones to buys some novels by Joyce. I think she said Joyce, it could have been EL James.  


Robin the Man Child was out and about on his scooter again this week. This time he was in the office creating havoc. 

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Actually, this was for a serious purpose. He was scooting about with a prototype Telematics app to prove they can capture trip data, push it through the analytics package and into the back end database. They can! Well done all.

We don’t have a dress code, apart from wear some clothes, but I would like to appeal to the common decency in you all and ask that you don’t appear in the office in T-Shirts like this. The image has been redacted to protect the guilty.

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Guru Fraser

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Treat your servers like cattle not pets

Heaven knows I am Phil Heywood now

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What’s that bloody tune playing….here we are, here we are, rocking all….oh its that daft bint sat opposite with her minging Status Quo ring tone? Doesn’t she realise I need mi peace and quiet to channel the proper banging ManchestDoh scene? And mi stomach thinks mi throats been cut and me strife has only packed me two carrots and three dates for scoff. What does she think I am, a fooking camel? Its ard being me.

Madferit. That’s what we are in ManchestDoh, none of this fannying about with clothes, or clubs…

We dance when we dance.Top one our kid.

I like speed, not ‘phet our kid thats for London indie bands. I like tearing your face off, 0 – 60 speed on a banging monster machine. So, with that man who punched a colleague losing his job, I am writing to the BBC. I’m madforit. I’ll show that homonculous and the confused one, who’s not, what a proper motor show is about. Me on a bike doing 160 past the Dibble and knocking down deer. Top one, mint, banging.

Zayn leaving 1D. Well someone will see their arse about it but I don’t care. Wrong colour rose, 1485 Battle Bosworth that learned you, and we’ve got The Smiths who write proper banging lyrics like ‘jumped up pantry boy, who never knew his place’. Few in the office like that.

Got to chip it hair washing time. Til’ next week non Mancs. 


The serious bit you may want to read

From Gregorz.  “An interesting link to share…  a selection of quotes from the Spotify Engineering Culture videos about Autonomy …”

From Claude. I suspect he moonlights doing this in the evenings.


Ivan ‘Zero Defects’ is back with some thoughts on measuring success and the essence of BDD. 

Do we only do scrum because its easy to measure, or because our org is not mature enough?
“…Scrum felt like a prescriptive, inflexible formula imposed on the engineers by management, Kanban is flexible, process-driven and owned by engineering….”

The essence of BDD/SBE is illustrating business rules with examples, not testing a web page. This is a major contributor to high quality output that reduces the need for the rework cycle (or as we like to call it the testing phase). Feed your engine high quality fuel and get high quality performance! Mr Clarkson would be pleased!


Some stuff I have read this week

I am not sure I am popular enough for this to be annoying…

If you need some tips on choosing the right channel to speed up your WiFi

Zappos is going all in with Holacracy and offering terms to those who don’t want to do it.

An interesting article on some of the young women who worked at Bletchley park cracking the Nazi codes. Worth a read

Have a great weekend everybody. I’ll see you all on Monday.



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