The end of the world, movement and ManchestDoh

Did the world end in Scotland this morning? It didn’t in Yorkshire but I did see a few of the denizens of this beautiful county looking a little worried.  Remember it is that beautiful down here even the French allowed us to run their cycle race for them. Anyway there was a slight clearing of cloud so you could just about see the sun being eclipsed.

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There was a strange ‘presence’ in the corner of the office where I reside with my immaculately tidied desk. Ok, it might be little on the scruffy side but Louise is very strict with me at home, I have a mat that I have to sit on, so I like to cut loose a little in the office. Just like Bobby T with a P. Anyway, this presence has now disappeared look…

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All that is left is a deflated seagull and a ghostly echo of ‘fook’ reverberating round the place. I believe this ‘presence’ has migrated over to a lair on the other side of EHQ. So be careful when you walk the corridor as it may drag you into its office and ask troublesome questions at length about RAG. Unfortunately, with the move of the ‘presence’ we have now lost Mark’s surrogate mother and this has been immediately obvious. He has booked a trip next week to Amsterdam in order to discuss Cacti with other ‘people’ who like Cacti and has bought a new puzzle. I dread to think what will happen next weekend!

 

Guru

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Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable it will be the load balancers.

We have a new column. Phil H has decided that he wants to have a column where he educates us about the greatness of Manchester. I recommend as you read this you recall the nasal twang of the younger fighty Gallagher…..

Heaven knows I am Phil Heywood now!

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ManchestDoh is fooking brilliant and Leeds is bloody bobbins. Don’t get me started, I mean my boss lives in Leeds and he couldn’t stop a pig in a ginnel and his keks are proper bobbins. He doesn’t wear proper boss keks like me. The music is sheite and not proper banging like Manc bands. It takes a proper fooking genius to write ‘son I am thirty I only went with your mother because she was dirty’. Top one, mint, banging know what I mean. You wouldn’t catch that shirley from the Voice writing stuff like this. Ruby, ruby, bah, daft apeth!

If you want a job there’s loads going on for the dibble in ManchestDoh. Look at this its proper mad.

I mean who can eat ten cows at once?

Its dead ard at the office at the moment with me sat like piffy on a rock waiting for the punters to loan up. Mi stomach thinks mi throat’s been cut and the ladies opposite me won’t share their food. Mind you it looks proper minging and that. It isn’t  fish chips and pea wet. It’s ard being me. 

Gotta chip it hair washing time. Til next week non Mancs. Heres my idea of top fashion, banging!

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The serious bit you may want to read

Got this from David McConchie

Interesting article on the BBC today about Biometrics in Banking http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-31968642.  It highlights some of the problems with fingerprint readers and discusses alternatives such as vein readers, facial recognition, iris scanners.  It also discusses behavioural biometrics e.g. http://www.behaviosec.com/ and integration with wearable’s which are more practical for consumer applications.

Somebody might remember when I rambled on at the CIO forum last year. I talked about Facebook getting a banking licence so it was no surprise when Niels sent me this…

Facebook enters the sending money market, behind google,  snapchat and square
http://newsroom.fb.com/news/2015/03/send-money-to-friends-in-messenger/

He also sent me an article on ‘self managed teams’.Worth aiming for I think but requires teams to accept a lot of responsibility and assume the right level of ownership. 

‘I like this – the idea of  “Participation Age”

http://www.inc.com/chuck-blakeman/why-self-managed-teams-are-the-future-of-business.html

Claude sent me a whole set of articles on agile testing and an automated testing journey.

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Here is some stuff that I have read.

Efficiencies in digital marketing enable advertisers to spend less.

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/18/business/media/biggest-advertisers-are-sending-their-dollars-to-digital.html?_r=0

Swiss makers of smart watches have no chance against Apple?

http://qz.com/365899/why-swiss-smartwatches-have-no-chance-against-the-apple-watch/

Banking explained, maybe?

http://laughingsquid.com/banking-explained-a-short-animation-breaking-down-the-history-and-complexities-of-money-and-credit/

Intel are experimenting with blockchains.

http://pando.com/2015/03/19/intels-skunkworks-group-begins-experimenting-with-the-blockchain/

Having been up in Edinburgh and in the office all last weekend dealing with issues I am delighted to be at home this weekend. I hope you all have as good a weekend as I intend to. See you all next week.

Andrew

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