If you go down to a park today, messy, trains, bad presents and heard in the office

I must warn you that if you go down to the park this weekend you may come across a very unusual sight, particularly if you go to Chatelherault Country Park. I say this because it has come to my attention that Douglas Potter ‘enjoys’ an unusual weekend activity with some of his pals. They go to the park chop down a load of trees, set light to them and then sling on the fire the carcass of any unfortunate animal they happen to stumble across in the park. I am reliably informed they also drink a lot of Scotland’s favourite wine based aperitif. I have a picture of last year’s event as it got underway.
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The architects are revolting. By this I do not mean that they are unwilling to draw boxes and have gone on some sort of street protest (though i would like to see this as I imagine the banners would be quite good). What I mean is that they are failing to eat in a manner that befits anybody over the age of 3. Look at the evidence. I shall be buying the guilty party a large plastic sheet to spread over the office furniture should the need to eat in-between drawing boxes arise.
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As you may know I spend quite a bit of time on trains every week which is fine when they run properly. However, the other week there was a problem which, to cut a long story short, resulted in my being bused to England and being crammed on a single train with 4 train loads of people.  This in itself was bad enough but I also had to suffer the company of Mark ‘combination’ Loch who decided to drink heavily and underwent some sort of Jekyl and Hyde transformation. Below you will see Mark  before and after Stella Artois. God knows what Pater thought when he got off at Peterborough.
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A new column. Presents you really shouldn’t buy anyone for Christmas, if you value your relationship. In fact these shouldn’t even be on sale at all. Metal Perfume, endorsed by KK Downing, semi-retried rock legend of Judas Priest fame. This is not a spoof can anyone better this?
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Heard in the office
 
“Isn’t it amazing that Oranges grow on trees” I am not sure where else they would grow but this individual does seem to think there is some doubt about this immutable fact.
‘Treat her to a spaddy’. This was a suggestion to Captain Haphazard as to what to buy his lady friend for Christmas instead of a heat convector.  He later found out that he was being urged to treat her to a SPA day.
‘I bought her an iron for a Valentine’s day gift. It was a good one’. The male utterer of this will be cloaked in anonymity to protect him from the righteous indignation of most people in the team.
‘I once fell in love with a marine that worked at Faslane’. This wasn’t Fen.
If anyone would like to add to this column please send on….
 
The serious stuff you may want to read
I got this from Claude.
“It is 1 hour long but absolutely worth watching!”
Some stuff I have been looking at over the last week.
Bleak graph showing the decline of women entering Computer Science courses. Do you agree with their synopsis on cause?
For the maths geeks out there. The first 1 million digits of the  √2
Can I ask that Mark Plumer checks them out for me over the weekend.
Has Google lost it’s way? This guy seems to think so
Category theory anybody? Can anybody enlighten me as I am a little confused…
Captcha’s are changing. No more distorted text you cannot read
For any raving narcissists out there….a selfie stick
Last but not least. A very big congratulations to the PayQwiQ team who now have live customers. Using the proposition I am fairly confident it will prove popular with our customers. It is certainly a lot slicker than Starbuck’s and they have over  a million users in the States.
Have a great weekend everybody. I look forward to see you all next week.
Andrew
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