Eccentrics on the beach, gender differences, out of breath, alone, of all the drunken Scotsmen and vain

Ghosts of Christmas future for us here, I think. When you get older and start to smell of wee (men only, I believe this doesn’t happen to ladies) you get a bit eccentric. How do I know? Well I have proof of the depths of eccentricity that could afflict you. There is a man on Portobello beach who likes to play his Trombone in the water, this is not a euphemism he really does have a trombone and a piano in a tent. Look….

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Not one to gossip but I got the story from some coffee sellers on the beach front. He is 66 years old, has a piano tuning business in Morningside, was thrown out by his wife and now has a 33 year old Polish girlfriend. The council are trying to evict him if anyone wants to go all Perry Mason and help him stay on the beach. Or you could just pitch up with your own tent.

Men and women are different. I should hope all readers of this blog understand this but are the differences outside of biology a result of nature or nurture? I believe there is a scientific debate raging about this but I think I have proof that it is nature that determines the differences. Look at this photo of two girls and a boy given free range to pick whatever plastic crap they wanted from the ‘Hook a Duck’ stall. Stark.

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I went for a cycle ride with Captain Haphazard this week and all I can say is he is he will not be worrying Boardman et al anytime soon. To put in context he struggled to get up Leith Walk, which I don’t even think qualifies as a hill.  I don’t have any pictures of him but he did turn up looking like this…

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Sometimes we want to be alone. Something a person in the team shares with a famous Swedish movie star of days gone by. However, I would ask that you sit with them and encourage them to be part of society. They will mutter in a low guttural voice about the meaning of ‘warranty periods’ and the perils of local host implementations but please persevere, they sometimes are coherent and often make less mess in public spaces than their desk would indicate. Think of it as giving back to the community.

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Of all the drunken Scotsmen in London, and there are a lot, the BBC cameraman had to pick up one individual, who was what I believe to be very  ‘well refreshed’. Yes our very own Cat Botherer. Seriously, what are the odds, go and buy a lottery ticket this weekend? BTW can somebody explain to him that Luton is in a separate county to London and hence not near the ground.

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Vanity is clearly not something I encourage in myself and would urge others to desist from such urges. It has been brought to my attention that a member of the team has an avatar in Jira that is an image of Brad Pitt. I won’t name them but they lost a lot of weight recently and live in Bonny-bridge, maybe in their minds eye they look like this..

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Its  the ever popular Zero Defects corner.

Cease dependence on inspection to achieve quality. Eliminate the need for inspection on a mass basis by building quality into the product in the first place”, a 1982 quote from W.Edwards Deming, a US professor who helped build the Japanese Car industry after WW2 and seen as the father of modern Quality.
Testing is not a service that can be turned on at the end of coding, testing is part of a development pipeline, it is there to provide fast feedback, reduce risk, provide confidence, and build quality in. Teams that use the “as a service” model have long expensive feedback loops. The solution, automation, automation, automation and embed the testers into the development teams. Then DONE means DONE.
http://trishkhoo.com/2013/12/forget-developers-in-test-we-need-testers-in-development/

He also sent me a link on downloadable banks

http://www.wired.co.uk/news/archive/2014-05/28/wired-money-brett-king

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You will soon be able to understand people from foreign lands. Microsoft has launched a simultaneous translation device through Skype. I believe the version that supports Glasweigen is in Alpha and has a number of challenges that mean it is likely to be decades off completion. I understand they had underestimated the sheer number of dialects which when permed with drinking and emotions meant the proliferation of versions required is beyond all modern processing power. The Weegie Fragmentation issue.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/parmyolson/2014/05/28/microsoft-unveils-near-real-time-language-translation-for-skype/

Simple. They have been acquired by BBVA but they appear to be struggling to get customers. Only 33,387 customers by April this year. Puts Tesco Bank into context!

http://qz.com/213192/banking-startup-simple-seems-to-be-struggling-to-sign-up-active-users/

Would certainly sort out the car parking issue here. Anybody wanting to get one?

http://www.extremetech.com/extreme/183174-googles-new-self-driving-car-electric-no-steering-wheel-and-incredibly-cute

Mia sent me this link to a Google game. The aim of which is to help developers spot XSS defects. Start bug hunting, they pay good money for defects spotted.

https://xss-game.appspot.com/

There are after us…..

http://thenextweb.com/insider/2014/05/29/dwolla-begins-offering-next-day-payment-processing-businesses/

Your worst nightmare

https://twitter.com/thepoke/status/471980274587549696

Have a great weekend. I am home alone with the children, as Louise has a corporate junket to see Katy Perry at the O2 this weekend. I am not sure why she wants to go and see Katy Perry as she is more of a One Direction lady but maybe its just to get away from me! I fear the children will be unwashed, over e-numbered, tired and grumpy when she returns on Sunday…

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