I have truly lived, dogging and Adam Ant

Most people just exist, very few actually live. I have finally joined the hallowed ranks of those who have truly lived. How did I achieve this epoch making feat, sky diving, bungee jumping, tiger wrestling? No, I went to Tynecastle and with 13912 other souls watched Hearts thrash Aberdeen into a 1-1 draw. We also had pies at half time. Not being a massive fan of football let alone bankrupt Scottish clubs I really didn’t know what to expect. It was nice, no really it was. It is not often you are sat next to some grandfather figure who spends most of his time describing the visiting fans as interferers of sheep in a most unpleasant and unhygienic manner. Also, at half time there were mountains of pies provided with a couple of sandwiches with what looked like some vegetables in them as a sop to the health brigade.  I am sorry I would have taken a picture of the pies mountains, as they were a magnificent sight, but I was slightly worried that the denizens of the ‘executive’ suite may have taken offence or thought I was trying to steal the souls of the pies or something. In fact they were so popular that one of our party who shall remain nameless, they enjoy spiky plants, attempted to eat them all. See photos below that encapsulate the person defining event that was a visit to the hallowed Tynecastle stadium.  

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One of the team who shall remain nameless but they are tonsorially challenged, work in dev ops and travel in from Glasgow has a problem with their desk. I mean lets have a look at it…. 

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I think we may need to get somebody to volunteer to clear it up. I don’t this will be a problem as our very own Iain Frame has had an anthrax immunisation so we can send him in. He can also work in the post room if we ever become unpopular.

Dogging, I think that is what they call the looking after of small dogs for friends. If not I can’t think what else it could possibly refer to being a clean living and moral person. Yes we have foolishly agreed to look after a Cockapoo, a dog known for being fluffy and a bit bright if you can call a dog bright. It has also just had its reasons for living, aka bollocks, removed so is in negative aggression territory. Hence I am a little worried that my reputation on the mean streets of Tranmere Park will be tarnished when I take the bundle of fluff for a walk. I will try and ‘man it up’ a bit by putting a spiked collar on it and calling it Brutus. It is in fact called Rory and for those of you out there with a predilection towards small furry things (stroking them not shooting them Fen) I will take some shots and publish next week. Tranmere Park really is quite rough, it is a bit like the Gorbals where Paul Henry lives. 

Some tittle tattle. I was in the Bow Bar last night when in walked Tony Pavoas who under questioning admitted he was waiting for his brother in law before heading off to the Adam and the Ants concert next door. I would like to pretend he was dressed like this but unfortunately he wasn’t, however, there are some people in the team who can make these things happen.  

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Some stats on online and mobile banking I found recently. 

As an example, the BBA said transactions at Royal Bank of Scotland branches has fallen by nearly a third in five years. The 2013 digital banking report said more than 12.4million bank apps have been downloaded and nearly 40million mobile and internet transactions made every week during 2013. It added that 28.4million debit and credit cards were now fitted with contactless technology and that 457.7million SMS balance alerts and other text messages were issued during 2013.

You will all have heard of Moore’s law but what about Koomey’s law for energy efficiency, Kryder’s law for storage and Shannon-Hartely theorem for transmission speeds. Worth having a dig into I think because all of these factors will drive enormous changes in our industry over the coming years!

I also read in the FT the other day that the average annual growth in Online sales between 2013 and 2016 in the UK will be 9.6% with sales growing from £97.1BN per annum to £140.3BN per annum. That’s some impressive growth until you look at China which has one of 42.2% growing from $193.1 to $788.5BN. India lags with a  growth rate of 26.5% growing from $12.2BN to $31.3BN. The largest market at the moment, unsurprisingly, is the US with growth of 11.1%  from  $398.7BN to $608.1BN. My reflection on all this is that it is a great time to be in Digital IT and not such a great time to be a traditional worker in the industries that are being disrupted and/or being made more efficient by the march of technology. 

IF YOU WATCH ONE THING THIS AFTERNOON/WEEKEND PLEASE WATCH THE VIDEO IN THE LINK IN ZERO DEFECTS CORNER

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Ivan ‘Strident Opinions’ Zero Defects corner. 

Many places jump on the Agile cargo cult train then wonder why it’s not working like the book said. Companies like Spotify realise it’s more than hiring a consultant , drawing on the wall, standing up and having a moan (sorry retro).  The capital A thing is over 12 years old, it’s time to move on. This is an excellent video on a culture where DONE means in users hands not another environment for 3 months. I can hear the “you could never do that in a bank” comments already, why not, it would differentiate this place from other Banks.

http://labs.spotify.com/2014/03/27/spotify-engineering-culture-part-1/

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More people are doing Continuous Delivery. Have a look.

http://www.theguardian.com/info/developer-blog/2013/jun/18/guardian-software-development-flow

Twitter ban is over. I hope it stay this way as I am on holiday in Turkey in August.

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/apr/03/turkey-lifts-twitter-ban-court-ruling

Have a great weekend everybody.  

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